Ghost (a sonnet)

I would forget your name a thousand times

To drag myself away from ocean waves

I’d leave you there alone in sunshine’s eyes

I’ll never be the one for what you crave

A ghost is all I’ll leave you there to be

To scream of all my horrors, hopes, and dreams

The ones I left you for are lost at sea

I’m stuck inside the city with machines

The curse you left on me is bound to break

It will not last as long as you foresaw

Like me, your words will drown in a blue lake

Like me, your words will burn like dried-out straw

I will forget your face and voice and love

If it will set me freer than a dove

 

~~~

My first post in 2018!! It only took half the month… I’m doing my best ;-; Nonetheless, thank you for 60 followers and I hope you are having a good January thus far. If not, there’s always the next 11 months ūüôā¬†

Advertisements

The Comfort in a Shooting Star

via Daily Prompt: Cozy

The sky is dark and cloudy, making it impossible to see the stars. The ground is white- coated in snow that no longer falls. Everything is still. (An everlasting kind of still. A frozen in time kind of still. A broken watch, whisper-talk, it all stops kind of still.)

She wishes that her brain would stop. Huddled over a tiny heating vent in the corner of her shoe box-sized apartment, shivering under a thin comforter, she prays her thoughts away. The couch only a few feet away from her sits unused. When her room was too cold, the woman moved to the living room and sat down on the heater. At this point, it feels like too much effort to move. She shivers once more and breathes out a sigh. Then she hears footsteps pad down the thin hallway. A short pause.

“Hun?”

She turns to face the voice. Her roommate stands there, tangled blonde locks flowing over strong shoulders. Her sweatpants hang loose and her old T-Shirt is almost a crop top at this point. The woman wears a face of concern, years of being the “mom friend” coming into focus. Striding across the room, she sits down next to the other. “What’s wrong?”

A shrug in response. “I don’t know… just cold.”

“Hm.” Her friend doesn’t know if she can believe her, but decides to go along with it. “Well… come on sweetie, we can share my bed.”

She lets herself be pulled along, soon entering a familiar room. Efficiently, the blonde woman adds her comforter to the pile of blankets on her bed and grabs an extra pillow from her closet.

“Here,” she says, gesturing at the perfectly made bed. “I need some water, but get warm, okay?” After a small nod from her friend, she leaves the room.

The woman pushes back her dark hair, a stark contrast to the younger woman’s blonde, and lets herself curl up under the covers. There is a kind of comfort in the apple scented sheets and flat pillow. It’s an early morning kind of comfort. A melting snow, orange leaves, rain on windows kind of comfort. A first love kind of comfort.

Soft footsteps enter once more as the woman places her half-empty glass on the bedside table.¬†“Good night,” she whispers once comfortably under the blankets.

“Night,” she responds into the dark. But when the younger tangles their legs together, she could swear she sees a shooting star.

27

you are the stars

and the moon

our sparkling distractions

in the night sky

 

you are woven of blue threads

midnight

and turquoise

almost black

and almost white

always shimmering with silver

 

you are loud laughs

echoing in empty rooms

bouncing off walls

that are brighter around you

 

you are every love song

hidden smiles

secret glances

starlight kisses

and youth

 

you are a gentle hum

waves gliding on rocks

and quiet “you’re not alone”

 

you weren’t alone

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Why would it bother me?

It shouldn’t.

But “should” was never a word I lived by.

 

“Okay.”

That’s fine.

It’s fine.

I’m…

 

“Okay.”

Whispered between tear-streaks.

 

“Okay.”

Muttered in the silence.

Pushing “should” away.

 

“Okay.”

Okay.

I trust you.

You’re safe.

 

But I’m not.

 

“Okay.”

Pointless Epiphany

“I’m really sorry… but no. I’m sorry…”

I pause, waiting for it to sink in. But strangely, it doesn’t hurt. I keep waiting for the sting, the heartbreak, some kind of utter devastation. But nothing happens. I just feel bad for wasting their time. Perhaps embarrassed at how they perceived me.

It doesn’t hurt.

“It’s alright,” I carefully respond. “Really. I hope you have a good day.”

They walk away, worried despite my assurance. And I wonder if I ever really wanted them.

I think I’m relieved.

I don’t know what that says about me.

The Brotherhood of the World Award!

Thank you to Claire Yang for nominating me! Check out her blog, she has some awesome writing.

The rules for this award:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.

2. Answer the questions sent to you.

3. Nominate around ten bloggers.

4. Create your set of questions for your nominees.

5. List the rules and display the Brotherhood Of The World logo in your post and/or blog.

Questions for me:

Why did you start blogging?

I just wanted to share my writing online and hopefully improve by doing so. I was originally¬†writing on Wattpad, but I didn’t like the setup/format. Someone I was talking to recommended WordPress, and I really like it so far!

What is considered a good day to you?

Any day where I’m able to be productive and have some fun.

What is that one song that motivates you to move forward?

Oh, wow, there are so many… Definitely¬†The Last by Agust D, as well as Tomorrow by BTS, and 4 o’clock by Bang Yongguk.

How far back into your childhood can you remember? As in your first memory.

Umm my first memory is crying next to my toy kitchen. I have no idea why I was crying  though ^^;

If you could go back in time and redo something, what would it be?

My nominees:
(I don’t have 10, but here are some wonderful people:)
Questions for my nominees:
What has changed the most about you over the years?
What was your dream job as a kid?
What’s your favorite album of all time?
What advice do you want to give younger people?
When’s your favorite time of day (or night)?
Thanks for reading and have a great day ūüôā¬†

Painted-Over Edges

You are supernovas

paint splatters

tulips

roses

forget-me-nots

 

Poison

enticing

empty promises

secrets in an open room

toxic

 

I wish I could romanticise this

(you)

but I’m out of pretty words

similes and metaphors

that paint you a plainer hue

 

You breathe hope into my skin

then watch it pale

 

Washed away

(by saltwater)

 

I can’t bear the black hole in your soul

that once was a star

 

With you, nothing is certain

and I’m grasping at the edges

 

I wish I could know what you think

when you see me

All that’s certain

is that it’s not

beauty

Pride

She’s pink

Cheeks blushing from the cold

Valentine’s cards stuffed in lockers

Sunrises mirrored in the sea

Silk gowns that brush the polished wooden floor

Lipstick marks trailing across exposed skin

Ribbons tying back rebellious curls

Long nails tapping on frosted glass windows

She’s bright, comforting, warm, childish, beautiful

She’s pink

 

They’re yellow

Warm rays at high noon

Daffodils lined up in back gardens

Soft blankets strewn across bedroom carpeting

Iced lemonade in colorful glasses

Ballons escaping from tiny hands and drifting into the clouds

Oversized hoodies that swallow me whole

Half-empty Cheerios boxes

Polaroid pictures pinned to closet walls

They’re cheerful, thoughtful, eccentric, deeper than they look

They’re yellow

 

He’s blue

Bright ocean waves

A cloudless sky

Fish swimming frantically behind glass walls

Berries picked in summer heat

Butterflies migrating to warmer homes

Bruises swelling over wet eyes

Marbles crashing into each other

Ripped jeans that look too faded

Pressed suits promising a brighter future (but never happiness)

He’s smart, honest, tired, gorgeous, bittersweet, loved

He’s blue

 

I’m undefined

Wearing pink, yellow, and blue stripes

A little out of place

A little too far gone

A little bit in love

With all of it

 

 

This marks the end of my “7 deadly sins” series! I hope y’all enjoyed it ūüôā

Envy

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“… Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

(I lipsync)

 

“I’m so happy! I can’t wait for you to meet him!”

“Yeah… I’m looking forward to it.”

(I lipsync)

 

“So… What do you think of him?”

“He’s nice. Like you said.”

“I’m glad you get along! I’d be devastated if you didn’t. I don’t want to give either of you up, you know?”

“I know.”

(I lipsync, but the track skips)

“I just…”

“What?”

“Nothing! No worries.”

(I’m trying to lipsync)

Wrath

I’ve learned not to rely on karma

To fix my issues

 

I’ve learned to rely on fists

Blood-spattered words

Bitten silver tounges

Sharp comebacks

and sharper knives

 

I’ve learned how to carve you apart

Spit back in a second

Trained myself to glare

and y’all to step back

 

Learned to collar my doubt

Decapitate fear

Hang you with your own quotes

Pretend I ain’t bleeding too

 

Learned how to use you-

Learned how to steal

then frame

 

I learned when to punch

but never when to leave